I have nothing against the way you say things. I admit, your verbiage can be excessive, but I continue to remain amused both by your archaic turn of phrase (and yes, you are quite correct, I am a fan of such - ever since I read that Pepys entry of some Royal guests who, as he put it, 'shat in the fireplace, twice in one night!', I have been an admirer), but fuck me sideways old chum - you are quite the most astonishingly literal-minded person I have ever met. Well, okay, 'seen on the internet', but you know what I mean. Hence my likening of you to Mr Logic.
And I have no beef with that Steers, I really don't, but - god, you are fascinating. Your mind is a strange, pristine, crystalline thing, but oddly antiseptic. I do not believe you are incapable of empathy, but I'm pretty sure you'd fail one of those Voight-Kampf tests out of Blade Runner, and have your head shot off in the mistaken belief that you were a replicant. And it can be little unsettling at times, especially when you fail to grasp the most rudimentary humour. I mean, when you write, it's the verbal equivalent of the Uncanny Valley effect. I guess you know what that is, but for the benefit of those who don't, it's that creepy aura you get with figurative images of people which are almost human-like, but not quite. It's a problem which afflicts CGI images (see 'The Polar Express'. Or a rather don't, unless you want a dark, phantasmal horror to hang over your childhood memories of happy Christmases) and animatronics. Your writing is kind of like that.
A bit...unreal. Human...but not quite. But endlessly fascinating, as i've said before.
I have to ask - is poetic or metaphorical language completely alien to you? I mean this seriously. Somehow, you just never seem to quite grasp something which is even vaguely beyond the literal. What were English literature classes like for you when you were a kid? Did you find them hard going?
I mean, take this, from Shakespeares sonnets: 'Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? '
I just can't help but imagine that your response would be a bit like this:
'I really rather think that such a comparison is invalid, as it stretches credibility somewhat to liken an organic physical being to not just a seasonal unit, but a weekly one.'
Blake: 'To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,'
'One cannot conceivably see the world in a grain of sand, as the world is considerably larger that the average piece shoreline silica. As for the latter line, well, I really think the existence of Heaven needs to be established before such a comparison can be presented, unless Mr Blake is blowing smoke out of his ass, of course...'
Really Steers...you do make me wonder, you really do. I honestly hope you leave your body to science, because I think rich and bizarre discoveries could be made from an examination of your neurology. That said, whatever humour I've gleaned at your expense has always been good natured and I do think you're a good guy.
But in a purely clinical sense, you leave me bewildered yet fascinated.
Oh, and this is what excessive verbiage looks like, by the way.