Michael J wrote:
PZ is an ideologue, but I have thought for a long time that his main problem was that he married his childhood sweetheart. He hasn't had the pleasure of going out with range of women that would give him a little bit of cynicism. I got married in my thirties but before then amongst the women who were a pleasure to know, I also met my share of crazies and users.
I think his relationship blind-spot is shared with a lot of others.
The thing about borderline personality disorder types (and that's what Stollznow's behavior from details in Radford's file strongly suggests)
is that you need to be involved in a relationship with them before you can even begin to understand what they are capable of doing. An inexperienced man like Peezus may think this kind of thing is unbelievable - or so rare as to be practically discountable.
Yet the prevalence of BPD is something like 6% of women - which means that if you date 10 women at random you have a better than even chance that one will be a borderline case. In fact the prevalence of BPD is far higher than the prevalence of homosexuality (1-2%)
Add to this the 'mental chick' situation alluded to by rayshul and it may be that certain guys, such as introverts, may encounter BPDs at a much higher rate. Women seem to at lower risk of meeting a man with BPD - the prevalence in men is three times less (although this may because the disorder is expressed in a different and more violent way - for example men with BPD may be seen as having antisocial personality disorder, and may end up spending long periods in prison.)
And yet many men, like Peezus (who has probably only ever dated and married one woman), will never experience a BPD relationship.
And women themselves, unless they have been directly affected (for example, through having a family member with the disorder), may have no experiential basis for understanding what happens in these relationships.
A description of a BPD relationship can often sound like the worst sort of MRA or MGTOW fantasy about a nightmarish vengeful and malicious partner. For this reason they are often discounted as being exaggerations or that the behavior is somehow justified for some unexplained reason. (If she did hit or abuse him then he
must have done something to deserve it.)
There's a famous hidden camera show that demonstrates the standard reaction to witnessing such behavior.
[youtube]LlFAd4YdQks[/youtube]
It's probably wrong to concentrate on the violent aspects of this - the mental and emotional abuse in these relationships is far more damaging than any amount of slapping, scratching and destruction of property.
This usually takes the form of the BPD individual pushing away their partner (by acting insanely jealous, hateful, smashing up their things, hitting them etc) but then threatening (or even attempting) suicide if the partner actually leaves. The partner then relents and decides to stay, and the cycle begins again.
The only solution to this is to be forewarned about the symptoms of the disorder in order to make a clean break at the earliest opportunity. If you don't know about it, it's easy to confuse it with treatable psychiatric disorders such as bipolar, depression or schizophrenia.