ConcentratedH2O, OM wrote:You're right, it's comedy fucking gold.Pitchguest wrote:This thing with PZ asking for advice on how to handle his own fucking blog is ridiculous.
In the past he's praised the rabid dogs he calls his "horde", that he wants them to bite back, that his blog is a rude blog and that his "gang" takes great pride in telling people to shove rotting porcupines up their "nether orifice." But now all of a sudden, when the golden calf departs, he's apologetic and wants a change? Don't get me wrong, I'm all about people changing their minds, but this is bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. Bullshit. You'd have to be a fucking idiot to believe that.
SCENE: FfTB boardroom (a dialup Skype connection between TwoCows Brayton and PZ Meyers)
Brayton: Listen, Paul, we're...
Meyers: PZ.
B: What?
M: It's PZ, not Paul. Sounds much more badass. Rebecca loves it, she says...
B: Now listen to me you dumpy little sack of shit, you need to ditch that bitch and concentrate on making us some money.
M: Well, Rebecca does that too. You remember TAM 2009, how we got fifteen bucks shoved down her titties during that party in her room? That was pure profit.
B: Pure profit? I had to drop a fifty on wine just to get her to agree to that. Never mind the two hundred I fed Shermer to leave her alone and go after that other chick.
M: So how else do we leverage Rebecca's tits?
B: Oh, for fu... Give up the whole Becky's tits idea, okay?
M: Sure, whatever you say, Ed.
[Meyers slides a fifteen page document from his bag into the trashcan]
M: Sigh.
B: No, Paul, what we need is to keep new visitors coming back. We get 100,000 hits per month, with 18% of those being first time visitors. We need to get them engaging in the comments sections, and thus returning multiple times. It's a winner for us!
M: I see. So you want me to ask Caine to accuse any newbie of being a rapist?
B: No, that's exactly what...
M: Hang on, hang on: anyone who upsets SallyStrange, I should slap them around the cheeks with the Penis Of Banning?
B: Slap them...what the fuck are you talking about?
M: If David Morales [Meta]'s a N00B's comment, you want me to suggest they die in prolonged agony through rectal perforation and the inevitable septicemia?
B: I can't believe you're saying these things, Paul. Seriously, are you taking too much on at the moment?
M: Well, I have been kind of thinking a lot about Rebecca's ti...
B: ENOUGH! No, I can't let this go on any more, Paul. It's time for you to hand over responsibility for your comments to someone who knows what they're doing.
[Presses button and speaks into microphone]
B: Okay, you can come in now, Mr Head.
[Door opens behind Brayton.]
*WHIRR! SPLUTTER! WHATTING! WHIRRRRRRR!*
B: Ah, Mr Head, so glad you are here. May I introduce PZ Meyers?
M: Dear God, Brayton, do you know what you're doing? What kind of monster are you, to allow this...this...beast loose upon the Horde. And with MODERATOR PRIVILEGES? Christ, in my opinion this is a very bad idea.
NoR: *FLOOSH* OPINION IS NOT EVIDENCE, PER THE HITCHENS QUOTE. YOU IDJIT FUCKWIT. YOU WILL PREOVIDE EVIDENCE FROM PEER REVIEWED SOURCES OR FADE INTO THE BANDWIDTH.
M: Evidence? For my own opinion? How do I...
NoR: *FLOOSH* DO NOT ASK ANY QUESTIONS UNTIL YOU HAVE READ THE PRECEEDING 419 PAGES OF MEANINGLESS TITTLE TATTLE AND DEFAMATORY LIES.
[NoR uses admin privileges to disconnect Meyers from FfTB network]
B: Good. Goooood. I believe you will be very successful on this site, NerdofRedhead.
NoR: *FLOOSH* THAT IS NOT PEER REVIEWED EVIDENCE. YOU ARE AN MRA SOCKPUPPET FUCKWIT. PROCEEDING TO *FLOOSH* STATION NUMBER 18.
[NoR uses robotic arms to grab Brayton and squash him into a toilet in the adjoining bathroom. His macerators crush and grind Brayton into a flushable pink puree.]
NoR: NOW THINGS WILL BE BETTER ON FfTB.
NoR: *FLOOSH* THAT IS OPINION WITHOUT EVIDENCE AND CAN BE DISMISSED PER THE HITCHENS QUOTE
NoR: *FLOOSH* THAT IS OPINION WITHOUT EVIDENCE AND CAN BE DISMISSED PER THE HITCHENS QUOTE
NoR: *FLOOSH* THAT IS OPINION WITHOUT EVIDENCE AND CAN BE DISMISSED PER THE HITCHENS QUOTE
NoR: *FLOOSH* THAT IS OPINION WITHOUT EVIDENCE AND CAN BE DISMISSED PER THE HITCHENS QUOTE
NoR: *FLOOSH* THAT IS OPINION WITHOUT EVIDENCE AND CAN BE DISMISSED PER THE HITCHENS QUOTE
NoR: *FLOOSH* THAT IS OPINION WITHOUT EVIDENCE AND CAN BE DISMISSED PER THE HITCHENS QUOTE
NoR: *FLOOSH* THAT IS OPINION WITHOUT EVIDENCE AND CAN BE DISMISSED PER THE HITCHENS QUOTE
NoR: *FLOOSH* THAT IS OPINION WITHOUT EVIDENCE AND CAN BE DISMISSED PER THE HITCHENS QUOTE
NoR: *FLOOSH* THAT IS OPINION WITHOUT EVIDENCE AND CAN BE DISMISSED PER THE HITCHENS QUOTE
NoR: *FLOOSH* THAT IS OPINION WITHOUT EVIDENCE AND CAN BE DISMISSED PER THE HITCHENS QUOTE
NoR: *FLOOSH* THAT IS OPINION WITHOUT EVIDENCE AND CAN BE DISMISSED PER THE HITCHENS QUOTE
NoR: *FLOOSH* THAT IS OPINION WITHOUT EVIDENCE AND CAN BE DISMISSED PER THE HITCHENS QUOTE
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