Five months ago, it begins. Ashley posts this to r/relationship_advice. 3400 upvotes!
http://removeddit.com/r/relationship_ad ... _suddenly/
At this point, of course, Ashley was holding back in terms of revealing her identity. It is amusing that she paints Steve as a "Imma Do What I Want" Chad.How should I [36f] react to husband [40m] suddenly Zoom-calling with his ex
Background: He and I have been together about 15 years. Lately I feel like we've been growing apart. Nothing major, I just feel like he kind of forgets I exist. He's always working and I'm not really a priority to him, and now with the covid since we're at home together all the time he feels like we do spend time together even though it's mostly watching TV at night or eating lunch over the sink together. This is not the first time I have sensed this distance between us.
Current issue: My husband has remained good friends with his ex-gf for probably 20 years, before my time. I am not a huge fan of their friendship, but he insists on keeping it so I just usually let it go because he doesn't listen or respect my opinion, anyway. She's married and lives far away, so as far as I'm aware they only interact on social media every now and then.
Today at lunch he told me that he was jumping on a Zoom call with her. As far as I know, this is the first time they've spoken face-to-face since they broke up 20 years ago. He has now been in this zoom call for two hours and counting. Apparently she also has this online conference thing she's hosting tonight and he told me he's gonna tune into that, too.
I also found out that she had a conference the night before last. That night he was in his home office working really late, but now I wonder if he "attended" that conference, too, without telling me. I feel like I should talk to him about how I feel but am I overreacting?
At lunch when he told me about today's Zoom call, he asked if it was okay with me in kind of an annoyed tone, and I almost laughed out loud. Instead I just shrugged and asked if what i thought even mattered. We both knew that he'd do whatever he wanted whether i was okay with it or not. I know if I broach the subject I'll just look like the tiresome jealous wife but am I justified here? I really can't tell anymore.
tl;dr Husband is on zoom call with his ex. I'm not a big fan of this and am unsure of whether I should even be upset about it. How should I react? Should I just let it go?
Comment on post:
Was this posturing? Dana turned out to be quite a threat.Yeah you might have a point. It is curious because I actually don't feel jealous of her at this point. I don't see her as a legitimate threat or anything. I am more jealous of him spending his time and prioritizing other people.
Indeed, Shives has a great many friends in his little community. He even recently did a video with Anita Sarkeesian.That's a good point. I wish I had more friends. He has a lot of people he speaks with daily, for work and for fun. Sometimes I wonder if I had a fuller social life if we'd be divorced, honestly. I depend on him for a lot, but he doesn't seem to need me at all.
Shortly thereafter, Ashley posts this in r/AskWomenOver30, but deletes the comment.
http://removeddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/ ... over_i_am/
She posted, one assumes, the same comment to r/Divorce:
Steve just inherited a house! Steve is the breadwinner. Steve pretends he will take a month to decide whether he will allow Ashley to continue to love him.I am a 37 years old (woman) and my husband is 40. We've been together 15 years total, 10 of those married, mostly happily but with some bumps in the road. No kids.
Today he told me that he still has feelings for an ex he's stayed friends with for over 18 years. Apparently she has similar feelings. She is also married. Neither my husband or his ex want to blow up their lives, but he told me that he cannot stand the thought of never speaking to her again. Apparently he fears losing her (even if he can't have a relationship with her) more than losing me. And in the past couple weeks, it's turned sexual between them (all through text).
I am gobsmacked. He is the breadwinner. I do part-time work from home but have a chronic health condition that keeps me from holding a FT job for any length of time because flare-ups can last for weeks and render me unable to drive. We were supposed to move into his grandparents' house that he recently inherited, and I've been looking forward to that so much, and I had been planning and saving my own money to make it homey. Now that's all gone.
I really don't know what to do. I am just kind of floored. He said he'll take a month to "figure it out" and because I'm terrified of the future without him I am hoping he'll decide to stay with me. What the fuck am I supposed to do now. I'm not even mad, I'm just scared.
Has anyone gone through this and how did you go forward? I can't imagine the future right now. He literally told me like two hours ago. I know it's weird to come to reddit immediately but writing it out is really the only thing that makes sense right now and I don't want to tell anyone irl.
Other commenters urge her to check out Chump Lady, a resource for women in this situation.
Yes, I am feeling sympathy for her.Well, he was mealy-mouthing on what he wanted to do. Kept saying he "wasn't sure" what he wanted to to, that he couldn't believe he was actually telling me the truth, etc. I suggested he take a month to figure things out, because I needed to know just for practical purposes what the next steps would be. He agreed.
Usually I have much more pride, but fear is keeping me from even being angry at this point. I don't know if it's really sunk in yet.
I wonder how much Steve makes. It would be amazing if Steve managed to handle it without paying for both lawyers. Spoiler: he is paying alimony.The thing is, my condition isn't "official," like I was diagnosed once a while back but because there's not much to be done other than manage symptoms I don't see the doctor regularly. I am not on government disability or anything, it's just something I manage.
He seems very guilty and upset, and he said he'll do anything to help me out, but he doesn't make that much money to begin with so I don't even know if a lawyer would help at all. Thank you for your concern, I really appreciate it.
I am not surprised that she thought she had the upper hand.The thing is, I have had doubts about the marriage, but I just never expected this ending. I figured one day I would get fed up and leave, but now I realize I was a fool. I was just playing in my head. Now that's actually happening I don't want it to happen.
Thanks for the suggestion, I will check out that book.
Emphasis mine. Ouch.The other woman lives hundreds of miles away. There's no way it could have been physical. He does not want to give up talking to her, and has basically told me that he would rather be penpals with her through text than a husband with me. He loves her that much. I don't get it. I really thought he loved me, that i was the love of his life. Hearing all this is like meeting a stranger. It's so bizarre.